Metaphors

This came from the Ransomed Heart daily devotions a friend forwarded to me ...

The Bible uses a number of metaphors to describe our relationship to God at various stages. If you’ll notice, they ascend in a stunning way: Potter and clay. At this level we are merely aware that our lives are shaped—even broken—by a powerful hand. There isn’t much communication, just the sovereignty of God at work. Shepherd and sheep. At this stage we feel provided for, watched over, cared about. But beyond that, a sheep has little by way of true intimacy with the Shepherd. They are altogether different creatures. Master and servant. Many, many believers are stuck in this stage, where they are committed to obey, but the relationship is mostly about receiving orders and instructions and carrying them out. Father and child. This is certainly more intimate than being a servant; children get the run of the house, they get to climb on Daddy’s lap. These fortunate souls understand God’s fatherly love and care for them. They feel “at home” with God. Friends. This stage actually opens up a deeper level of intimacy as we walk together with God, companions in a shared mission. We know what’s on his heart; he knows what’s on ours. There is a maturity and intimacy to the relationship. Bridegroom and bride (lovers). Here, the words of the Song of Songs could also describe our spiritual intimacy, our union and oneness with God. Madame Guyon wrote, “I love God far more than the most affectionate lover among men loves his earthly attachment.”

I'd put myself at moving between the "Father and child" to the "Friends" stage. Where are you at?

My Permission

I've been reading John recently and reading commentaries on it as I go, something I can't say I've done before. It's amazing to find all the references there are throughout the book, that I would never notice on my own.

In verse 32 of chapter 8, there is the familiar verse, "and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free." I love this verse and enjoyed the reminder I read on it in the commentary that followed it up: "This is surely one of the most abused texts in the Bible, for it is often cited with no regard for either the condition attached (remaining in Jesus' teachings) or the sort of freedom in view, namely, freedom from sin (v. 34) ... To know Jesus is to be liberated from all error and evil, for it is to know God himself, who is truth and purity and life ... The freedom in view is not a freedom to do whatever we wish according to the dictates of our own fallen selves, but a freedom from our fallen selves and the power and guidance to act in accordance with God himself, the source of all goodness and life."*

To know Jesus ... what a life pursuit! This is the third time in the last week or so that truth has been set before me. How many of us make it our life's pursuit to simply know Him. Not to just know about Him ... but to strive to KNOW Him. I want that to be my life's pursuit. I pray that when my life is over people can say, "Jessica was a woman who truly desired to know Christ!"

Over the last couple of years, I've really been trying to remain open and teachable. I know there are so many areas in my life that are far from where God wants them to be. And as stubborn as I can be and as much as I want to be right all the time, I am trying to yield those fleshly tendencies to the loving truth of my Savior. I not only want to know Him, but I want to be more like Him. I want to keep my eyes open to my faults and to seek Him in giving my permission to change those things in me.

The Great Physician is diagnosing their disease, and they are not happy about it. They have put faith in Jesus (v. 30), yet they rebel as he tries to help them become true disciples. When confronted with their inner disease they should have accepted his assessment and repented. This is what each of us must do as a disciple of Jesus, for each of us has inner disease that he desires to cure and that must be cured. His diagnosis is perfect, and he knows how to heal us. He does not have to leave us waiting while he goes in the next room to consult his medical books. Nor does he lack the resources to effect our cure. He lacks nothing except our signature on the permission slip to get on with the process. Discipleship includes allowing Jesus to deal with our inner brokenness and deadness. He will not be satisfied until we come out entirely clean and whole, a fact that is part of the good news. To be a disciple one needs not only the humility to receive what Jesus reveals about himself but also the ability to receive what he reveals about oneself. He always reveals in order to redeem. The judgment the light brings is meant to lead us to salvation, not condemnation. The sin is condemned in order to reveal it as sin and lead us to repentance. If we reject the diagnosis or the cure, then the light does indeed bring condemnation, for we have chosen to remain in our state of alienation from God, who is the one source of life.*

I pray that I never reject God's revelations in my life, but rather, in humility, accept that I am fallen and far from perfect and that Christ is my only cure. God, I give you my permission.

*Commentaries taken from Bible Gateway.

Work in Progress

About a year ago, the Lord gave me a promise - that I would soar like a bird. He also told me that there were gifts and talents that He had given me that I wasn't even aware of. I was going through a really rough time, and that promise was all I had to cling to. So fast-forward to today, I'm in a job that I love that's pulling creativity out of me and allowing me to evolve into the confident person I've always wanted to be.

At the same time, He's telling me to start cultivating artistic talents He's given me. It's not something I've really allowed myself to develop. I've always labeled myself as completely un-creative and since I assumed all artists were creative, I automatically blocked myself out of that bunch. It's been a hard mental block to get myself past. But when our church decided to host their first art exhibition, God told me to start working on it again. I've been fairly impressed with what I've done ... and I've really struggled with that.

I'm not sure if it's the label of "artist" or a battle with pride. I'm certainly aware that any talent the Lord has given me is completely a gift from Him. It's all been Him working through me. But for some reason, I've struggled with feeling blue as I've worked on my two pieces for the exhibit. The only thing I can come up with is that I associate artists with a certain stigmatism. I see them as different, liberal, with dark tendencies and people that hang in weird crowds. I'm not exactly sure why I lump all artists in that group, but I just know I don't want to be included in that bunch.

So maybe I just need to redefine the term within my own mind. Maybe I'm just redefining who I am. As life changes, I seem to change quite a bit with it. From being the single version of me who was pretty certain of who I was, to being married and having to figure that out. To now being a mom and balancing this new role with that of wife. I don't think that I want to have to redefine myself once again ... at least not yet. I don't feel like I'm ready for that. However, I am quite certain that the Lord really does know what He's doing.

God, help me to be ok with me today. I know that you're working to mold me to Your image, and each day I'll be a little different than I was the day before. So I shouldn't try to settle into who I am, because I won't be that way for long.

Sweet Gifts

Don't you love it when the Lord gives you sweet, thoughtful little gifts that are just for you? Today I got a call that someone had arranged for my mother-in-law to get a free haircut and color at a salon. She moved into town recently and has been without work for the last year. One of her favorite things to do was to get her hair colored. Needless to say, she's had to give that up over the past year. When she moved down, her hair was half one color and half another. She had a job fair coming up tomorrow and was really praying that she'd be able to get her hair done before she went. When I got the call, I was so excited for her! Now I just can't wait to see it:-)

Saving Eliyah

Our usual morning routine is as follows. Eliyah wakes up around 6am to be fed. I put her into bed with us, nurse her, and fall back to sleep. Since it's her last feeding, I usually leave her in bed with us. Dave wakes up around 6:45am to get ready for work. I usually sleep till I wake up (I've gotten spoiled by working from home). When I get up, I make sure Eliyah is in the center of our bed, and I start my day. I know she generally wakes up a bit before I hear her, but I like to let her do her thing for a while (she's like her mom and takes a bit to wake up). That way when I hear her, I know she's ready to give me lots of morning smiles.

Early last week, I popped my head in to check on her (as usual) just to make sure she was ok. I saw that she was just starting to wake up, so I went out again to give her "her" time. A little while later I heard her crying (her way of telling me "her" time is up). So I went in to get her. I walk into the room ... and panic. She's not on the bed! Immediately I realize she must have fallen off, so I run around to the other side of the bed, freaking out, to find her half way under her bassinet and just smiling up at me. I look over to see a pillow next to the bed and figured she must have rolled off onto the pillow and then rolled from the pillow to the carpet. She was totally fine and just unhappy with her current state of immobility.

I call Dave so upset that she had just fallen off the bed, expecting him to be shocked by my story. Instead he calmly asks, "Did she fall onto the pillow?" My jaw fell open, "How did you know?". "Well I've been putting the pillows on both sides of the bed for the two weeks." Since Eliyah has become Ms. Roley McPoley, he was afraid one day she'd roll off. I had no clue. I told him how I thought it was odd that when I woke up, the pillows I had taken off the bed the night before had conveniently "fallen" right next to the bedside. I remember thinking, "It's so odd that I haven't tripped over them during the night." Dave again explained that he'd been putting them there before he left for work so I didn't trip over them during the night. Hmmph. Shows how awake I am in the morning!

So daddy was watching out for his little girl even when he wasn't there.

A few days later, the same morning routine ensues, except I try to check on her more often now. As I was workin, I suddenly felt the need to go check on her again. So I walk into the room to find her hanging off the bed. She had rolled herself half-way down the bed, completely perpendicular, with her head and shoulders dangling off. She was all smiles, loving her new view of the world. This time, it was my turn to save her. Thank God for little promptings!

Needless to say, no more bed-time with mommy and daddy in the morning. Sorry Eliyah, but it's straight back into the bassinet with you. That is, until you figure out how to climb out!

Joyful & Terrifying

Being a mother is a joyful and terrifying mix of emotions. On the one hand, it's an amazing experience to watch the object of your overwhelming love grow, smile, cry, look perplexed, light up, and sometimes just breath. On the other hand, I've never in my life had so many terrifying thoughts fill my brain about what could possibly happen to her or what I would do if I ever lost her. It's probably the widest array of emotions I've ever experienced.

It makes me wonder why God would choose to give us the experience of parenthood in life. Why couldn't children just grow on trees like fruit? Why choose to have us birth them, giving us such an overwhelming responsibility? I mean, we're shaping the future of this little child. Our weaknesses and frailties can cause this little person to grow up in a particular way. Or they could forever impact the way she sees and reacts to things. I mean, I could really screw this up! Each day, how I live my life is on display by watching eyes and listening ears that sink into a mental sponge. Am I filling that sponge with the things of God? Am I acting in ways that reflect God's nature to her? One of my greatest fears is seeing her inherit my sins and weaknesses because I wouldn't allow God to change my stubborn heart.

Oh God, fill up all the pot-holes in my life that expose attitudes and ways of life that are so contrary to Your own. If only to allow my daughter to have the chance of seeing You work in me and of knowing Your ways more truthfully.

Last Night

Getting up in the middle of the night to feed our baby hasn't been that hard for me. For the first four months, she slept with us and that made it really easy to feed her. Most of the time I fall right back to sleep while she nurses. Now that she's getting older (a whopping six months!) she sleeps in her bassinet beside the bed and I have to walk an entire step to get her out and put her into bed with me to nurse. She only nurses for a few minutes now and I put her back into the bassinet and fall back to sleep immediately.

The only time it's rough, is when I pick her up, and I can feel she's soaked! Then I'm just not a happy camper. Since I work from home and hubbie goes into work, I feel the responsibility to change her during the week. But come weekends, I have to refrain from smiling when I wake him up to change her. Granted this has only happened a handful of times since she was born.

Last night was one of these nights. Being a weeknight, it was my parental and spousal duty to change her myself. The crappy thing is, when you feel she's soaked, it means her jammies are soaked too. So the inevitable mental battle begins. I really don't want to have to change her diaper and her pj's. But I know if I don't change her pj's, it means she sleeps with us for the rest of the night (since I can't put her back into the bassinet without any covers in just a diaper and I really don't sleep well with her in bed with us anymore).

So I sighed, and started the journey.

She's screaming the entire time because she's hungry. All she wants is to eat and go back to sleep ... like me. But I take her into her room where I have to turn the light on ... louder screaming ensues while she wriggles all over trying to avoid the light. I get the diaper out, unbutton her jammies and start changing her diaper. Now, my eyes are just barely opened as I'm trying to avoid the light too. She's just screaming bloody murder and I'm just paying attention to the diaper.

When I look up at her face, I realize she's thrown up all over herself. And since she was on her back, it's just all over her face. At this point I feel really awful. So I get her cleaned off. Get the diaper on ... AND new jammies. I immediately put her to the breast and she instantly quiets. Ahhh ... the sound of silence.

Of course now it takes me forever to get back to sleep. But thus is the life of a mother ... it's so great!!!