Conversations with Myself

I usually tend to have a lot of conversations with myself. A lot of times I chalk them up to God talking to me and trying to work in some way in my life. That's probably because it's always my flesh fighting against the Spirit dwelling in me. Last night I had another one that really made my husband and I chuckle.

My MIL recently moved into town. I've been a little frustrated with her over the past year by what I perceive as a lack of action in trying to change her situation, the details of which would take far too long to explain. Suffice it to say, she doesn't have a job or a permanent place to live. But we're hoping both of those change with her recent move. Now, before I start, let me explain that frustration doesn't outweigh love. I love my MIL. I've just been frustrated with her. And my frustrations can bring out the worst of my flesh.

We were on our way home from church (we go to church on Sunday evenings) and I knew that I needed to make dinner for my husband, his brother (who is currently and temporarily living with us) and myself. But I didn't want to make dinner for my MIL. I didn't want her to get accustomed to coming over all the time and we have really been hurting with our grocery money with the addition of a third. I didn't want to now become responsible for feeding a fourth.

We pulled into the driveway and I'm saying to myself, "I hope she gets into her car to goes home." (She's temporarily staying with a couple.) But in she walks with us. So I walk into the house saying to myself, "I hope she's not expecting me to make dinner for her." On my way to the kitchen I'm trying to think of how I can get out of it. So I decide I'll just make dinner for Dave and I. I start to get the stuff ready and the conversation begins:

"I'm not making dinner for her."

"Jess, she's homeless and doesn't have any money"

"Well that's not my problem."

"You got that can of soup for $1."

"Yeah, but it's the principle of the thing."

"Haven't I always provided for you."

"Yes, so You can provide for her."

"Yes, I can. Through you." Arrrgh. I hate it when God wins.

"Fine, then you'll have to provide for us, because we don't have the money to keep feeding a fourth."

I then ask everyone else if they'd like a grilled cheese sandwich and some soup. Yes, it was a really cheap dinner too. Everyone says yes and I try not be really upset as I start making dinner for everyone. In walks my husband with a smile on his face. He's so happy that I'd asked his mom if I could make her dinner. Then he pulls out about six grocery gift cards our pastor had given him at church. Apparently our pastor knew how rough grocery money had been for us of late and decided to help us out. At that point, I could only laugh.

"Yes God, You can provide for us. You have and You will. Thank you for the reminder. Next time I'll try to be more of a cheerful giver."