Being Mom

I find myself frustrated and lately consumed with all it takes to be a wife and mother. I truly understand now why people say being a mom is a thankless job ... and I only have a six-month old! My day starts off with nursing, packing a lunch for hubbie and Bible study before I begin my four-hour work day from home. Shortly into beginning work, Eliyah wakes up and I change her diaper and nurse again. Once work is finished (which is intertwined with diaper changes and nursing), my day turns to straightening up the house, washing diapers (we cloth diaper), grocery shopping, nursing, watering plants, washing clothes, running errands, nursing, cleaning the bathroom and floors, making dinner, folding laundry, nursing, washing dishes, picking work clothes out for hubbie, putting laundry away, nursing ... and did I mention changing those diapers? Aaaaahhhh! I'm just plain worn out.

And while I've never wanted more time for myself before in my life, I feel selfish for wanting it. I just want someone to do something special for me and tell me that they notice the million and one things I do during the day. But I guess God is teaching me now to get used to it. I have at least twenty more years to go.

The crux of it is, I LOVE being a wife. And I LOVE being a mom. But it's a ton of work and I don't think I was prepared for this much work needing to be done. And there's not very much time to yourself. And there's not very many "thank you's'" given in word, gift or deed. Maybe those come later in life, when your kids can run up and give you a big hug. Or draw you pictures. Or sing you songs. Or tell you they love you. We'll hope for that.

Right now there's just exhaustion and a feeling of giving to everyone else but myself. Maybe this is God's way of teaching women to be more like Himself - selfless and abounding in love. I have a long way to go. But life is a learning process. And I need to learn to enjoy the journey .. and put a smile on my face while I go to take care of the crying baby!