Yes, I'm shamefully blogging for a giveaway. But these are so adorable! Check out frenchpressknits (http://www.etsy.com/shop/frenchpressknits). A hip Michigander (like my husband) and a fellow-etsian, I couldn't pass it up. She's quite the talented knitter (a talent I do not possess). She has some adorable photos of her children's shoes on her facebook page as well.
Check out all the ways you can win a pair of her popular slippers at: http://frenchpressknits.blogspot.com/2010/02/e2k-slipper-giveaway.html
The giveaway ends on Friday, Feb. 5th!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Monday, September 14, 2009
The Pain of Loving
My husband said to me yesterday that I haven't blogged in a while. I haven't really had a reason too for quite some time. Shortly after I said that, an opportunity presented itself. I usually only blog as a way of releasing emotion. And for a while, things have been going beautifully. But yesterday pain struck on a happy day.
About three years ago a pained woman came into my life in an unusual way. And for some reason, God gave me a deep, compassionate love for her. She had had a terrible upbringing full of darkness and abuse that I can't begin to imagine. I strongly felt that God wanted me to show her His unconditional love. She is a staunch atheist, and of course I am a staunch Christian. And yet we were able to be friends on another level. We shared pregnancies and life's ups and downs for three years. Then, for some unknown reason, she went from loving me to detesting me in three short days. I know the enemy had his hand in this. Perhaps I was getting too close? Perhaps I was starting to leave a dent?
It's just been an incredibly painful process to have someone you invested so much into throw so much back into your face with such malicious intent. When you've shown nothing but love to someone, have them hurl such venom back. It's the first time in my entire life I've had someone say such intentionally awful things to me to try to leave deep, lasting wounds. And while I'm wounded on one level, it's not in the way she intended. None of the levels she aimed at were hit. It's more of a sorrow for her. She's chosen to try to leave a wake of pain in the lives of others because she herself has been pained. She wants others to experience the misery she has experienced. It's so sad. And yet it reminds me of Christ. He came to show nothing but love to the entire world. And He was rejected at every level by many. How it must have grieved His heart. Of course, I am in no way comparing myself to Christ. But He did let us know that we too would experience the same pain of rejection.
John 15
18"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. 19If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. 20Remember the words I spoke to you: 'No servant is greater than his master.'b]">[b] If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. 21They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the One who sent me. 25But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: 'They hated me without reason.'c]">[c]
And it was without reason that I was rejected and spat upon. All I can pray is that the seeds I cast along the path will be watered by others that follow me. Only God knows His working in her heart. He is truly the only one who can soften and harden hearts. Oh God, please extend the greatness of your mercy down on her and her two beautiful children!
Some other verses that brought me comfort:
Romans 12:14
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
Jeremiah 20:11
About three years ago a pained woman came into my life in an unusual way. And for some reason, God gave me a deep, compassionate love for her. She had had a terrible upbringing full of darkness and abuse that I can't begin to imagine. I strongly felt that God wanted me to show her His unconditional love. She is a staunch atheist, and of course I am a staunch Christian. And yet we were able to be friends on another level. We shared pregnancies and life's ups and downs for three years. Then, for some unknown reason, she went from loving me to detesting me in three short days. I know the enemy had his hand in this. Perhaps I was getting too close? Perhaps I was starting to leave a dent?
It's just been an incredibly painful process to have someone you invested so much into throw so much back into your face with such malicious intent. When you've shown nothing but love to someone, have them hurl such venom back. It's the first time in my entire life I've had someone say such intentionally awful things to me to try to leave deep, lasting wounds. And while I'm wounded on one level, it's not in the way she intended. None of the levels she aimed at were hit. It's more of a sorrow for her. She's chosen to try to leave a wake of pain in the lives of others because she herself has been pained. She wants others to experience the misery she has experienced. It's so sad. And yet it reminds me of Christ. He came to show nothing but love to the entire world. And He was rejected at every level by many. How it must have grieved His heart. Of course, I am in no way comparing myself to Christ. But He did let us know that we too would experience the same pain of rejection.
John 15
18"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. 19If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. 20Remember the words I spoke to you: 'No servant is greater than his master.'b]">[b] If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. 21They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the One who sent me. 25But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: 'They hated me without reason.'c]">[c]
And it was without reason that I was rejected and spat upon. All I can pray is that the seeds I cast along the path will be watered by others that follow me. Only God knows His working in her heart. He is truly the only one who can soften and harden hearts. Oh God, please extend the greatness of your mercy down on her and her two beautiful children!
Some other verses that brought me comfort:
Matthew 5:10-12
10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
c]">Romans 12:14
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
II Tim 3
12In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, 13while evil men and impostors will go from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived.
Romans 8
28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,j]">[j] whok]">[k] have been called according to his purpose.
31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,m]">[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
2 Corinthians 12:9-11 (New International Version)
9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Jeremiah 20:11
11But the A)">(A)LORD is with me like a dread champion;
Therefore my B)">(B)persecutors will stumble and not prevail
They will be utterly ashamed, because they have failed,
With an C)">(C)everlasting disgrace that will not be forgotten.
1 Peter 4:12-14
Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you.
1 Peter 4:16
Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name.
So God, I pray that Your strength is shown in this situation. I pray that Your name is glorified. I pray that Your glory is revealed. Thank You for considering me worthy to be persecuted for Your name. And help me to truly mean that.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Allowing Emotions
I find it interesting that I don't write without pain. It's one of the only outlets I know to allow myself. So I suppose it's good that I haven't felt the urge to write in a while. But if I wrote more in the interim it would allay the pent of feelings that build up to create the pain that is generally much deeper than I realize. So many little things can add up to such big pain. So how does one access it all? How does one know how to pinpoint all the little aches that add up to a throb?
In so many ways I feel I deal (or don't deal) with rejection. It could be in a small form or on a large scale. It's one of my biggest hurts. It amazes me that we walk around blindless to how our lives are interwoven and affect each other. I've continually been shocked at how through my parents' divorce the one who did the leaving can't understand the hurt that's been caused to the rest of us.
Rom 12:15 "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." This verse has taken on new meaning to me over the last few weeks. It seems so many in my life have suffered deep loss - my parents divorce, the sudden loss of my sister-in-law's mother, a friend's father. It has caused old fears to rise up within me. But this time I've realized more what they are. It's not so much that I'm afraid of dying, but I'm afraid of pain. I'm afraid of the pain my own death would cause and I'm afraid of the pain the death of my loved ones would cause me. I feel I would just crumble and fade. But through this pain God is showing me how much I LONG for Him! Oh how I long to be with Him! Oh how I long to be free from the pain of this world!
In so many ways I feel I deal (or don't deal) with rejection. It could be in a small form or on a large scale. It's one of my biggest hurts. It amazes me that we walk around blindless to how our lives are interwoven and affect each other. I've continually been shocked at how through my parents' divorce the one who did the leaving can't understand the hurt that's been caused to the rest of us.
Rom 12:15 "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." This verse has taken on new meaning to me over the last few weeks. It seems so many in my life have suffered deep loss - my parents divorce, the sudden loss of my sister-in-law's mother, a friend's father. It has caused old fears to rise up within me. But this time I've realized more what they are. It's not so much that I'm afraid of dying, but I'm afraid of pain. I'm afraid of the pain my own death would cause and I'm afraid of the pain the death of my loved ones would cause me. I feel I would just crumble and fade. But through this pain God is showing me how much I LONG for Him! Oh how I long to be with Him! Oh how I long to be free from the pain of this world!
Monday, April 13, 2009
Assessing My Idols
I'm going through the Beth Moore Bible study, "Breaking Free." I've been wanting to go through this particular study for quite some time. So it's been amusing in an odd sort of way to see how delinquent I've been in doing it. It's no surprise really. I'm not so naive as to be unaware that the enemy doesn't want me to actually finish such a study. But nonetheless, it never ceases to amaze me how the flesh can battle with the spirit. "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do" Romans 7:15 . I so often empathize with the words of Paul. And this is no exception.
Our group meets tomorrow and we give ourselves two weeks in between each study to allow time for all the young mothers to finish their five days of work. Somehow, I was only on day four this morning. So I was going back over the last few days of the study to refresh my memory. Day three was on idols. The main thrust was to evaluate the idols that we've built in our lives that can take the place of God and our finding satisfaction in Him alone. I didn't have a lot of time for reflection that morning as I was hurrying to finish when I heard Eliyah wake up. So I was again pondering that this morning. The only real idol that I could think of right off the bat was my husband. It was the only obvious choice - I can tangibly spend time with him, see him, talk to him, walk with him - all things I can't physically do in my relationship with God.
But later in the day, God began showing me something that could easily become an idol in my life. And it's a gift He's given me. As He's brought me freedom in so many areas in my life, He's also showing me abilities and talents that He's put in me that I was previously unaware of - one of which is art. It's ironic how a gifting that He has bestowed can quietly and stealth-fully push its way up into the forefront of our focus, pushing the gift-Giver out of His rightful place.
It firmed up something that I'd been pondering of late. So often we'll marvel at a artist's amazing ability to draw or paint something so lifelike and real that it almost looks like a photograph. We'll stand in awe of it, staring with our jaws dropped. It doesn't matter what it is - it could be of a bug crawling on a leaf. But oddly enough, if we were to see that same bug crawling on a leaf in real life, we wouldn't even give it a moment's though. Why is it that we can marvel at a two-dimensional shadow of reality, and not marvel at the original that God Himself created? I've been blown away at that thought. But it happens everyday. We walk around in complete apathy toward the magnificence that is all around us.
How could I be wooed away from the Ultimate Creative One, but focusing on a gift that He's given me to replicate (poorly at best) a flat representation of something He's already created? It's mind-boggling. And yet it could easily happen everyday. Thank you Lord, for putting me on my guard.
"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world." Psalm 19: 1-4a
Our group meets tomorrow and we give ourselves two weeks in between each study to allow time for all the young mothers to finish their five days of work. Somehow, I was only on day four this morning. So I was going back over the last few days of the study to refresh my memory. Day three was on idols. The main thrust was to evaluate the idols that we've built in our lives that can take the place of God and our finding satisfaction in Him alone. I didn't have a lot of time for reflection that morning as I was hurrying to finish when I heard Eliyah wake up. So I was again pondering that this morning. The only real idol that I could think of right off the bat was my husband. It was the only obvious choice - I can tangibly spend time with him, see him, talk to him, walk with him - all things I can't physically do in my relationship with God.
But later in the day, God began showing me something that could easily become an idol in my life. And it's a gift He's given me. As He's brought me freedom in so many areas in my life, He's also showing me abilities and talents that He's put in me that I was previously unaware of - one of which is art. It's ironic how a gifting that He has bestowed can quietly and stealth-fully push its way up into the forefront of our focus, pushing the gift-Giver out of His rightful place.
It firmed up something that I'd been pondering of late. So often we'll marvel at a artist's amazing ability to draw or paint something so lifelike and real that it almost looks like a photograph. We'll stand in awe of it, staring with our jaws dropped. It doesn't matter what it is - it could be of a bug crawling on a leaf. But oddly enough, if we were to see that same bug crawling on a leaf in real life, we wouldn't even give it a moment's though. Why is it that we can marvel at a two-dimensional shadow of reality, and not marvel at the original that God Himself created? I've been blown away at that thought. But it happens everyday. We walk around in complete apathy toward the magnificence that is all around us.
How could I be wooed away from the Ultimate Creative One, but focusing on a gift that He's given me to replicate (poorly at best) a flat representation of something He's already created? It's mind-boggling. And yet it could easily happen everyday. Thank you Lord, for putting me on my guard.
"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world." Psalm 19: 1-4a
The Funny Things She Does
Last week I was working by my dining room window as I usually do each morning. Eliyah plays in the living room and frequently toddles over to me before heading back to whatever she was doing. So I wasn't surprised when she came over to me, touched the corner of my chair and went back from whence she came. When she returned about 30 seconds later touching the corner of my chair again, I looked down at where her little hand had rested. Laying gingerly where she had left them were two q-tips. In a flash I pictured the whole the scene. I quietly got up and followed her as she proudly walked back to her starting place once again - exactly where I knew she was going. I peaked around the corner of the of the bathroom door to find her walking right up to her new treasure chest, lifting the lid, and reaching out her hand to find yet another treasure ... before I had to put a stop to it. Yes, she was going to the small trash can in the bathroom, lifting the lid and picking out used q-tips to so proudly gift to me. You should have seen her eyes! She was so proud of herself and so thrilled at her new discovery. I hated having to dash that smile.Then today during snack time she was getting her new favorite - dried mango. Dried mango can be a tad on the chewy side, so it sometimes takes her some work to finish a slice. Since we've been teaching her sign language and manners, she always has to ask for more and say "please". Today was no exception. I had given her a piece and she thought she was ready for me. So she signed for more, and as usual I prompted her to say please. She tried with all her might to get that word out, but since her mouth was completely full of the previous slice, she couldn't get it out. Not wanting to miss out on that fresh piece, without a thought she pulled the half-eaten piece out, said "Pwease" with a smile, and shoved it right back in her mouth. It happened so fast and was so ridiculously cute, I sat there stunned for a moment with a stupefied half-smile on my face. Needless to say, she did not get second slice on cue. But it did re-confirm my need to always have her actually say please when she wants more. If she can say it (or attempt to), I can at least tell the status of her last bite.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Endurance Training
I hate it when emotions hit you all at once. I thought that the name of my blog, "Pressing On", had in a way, ended its term for me. Despite the incredibly hard time that our families continue to endure, things have been going really well for me, or at least I thought. But it's crazy when God answers your prayers, and it's nothing like you thought it would be.
About two years ago, I started praying that the Lord help enable me to feel more. I was tired of the numbness - not feeling pain or hurt or happiness. But now I'm beginning to see how deeply He is enabling me to feel ... and I don't like it. I started this realization a couple weeks ago. It happened when I was really down one night. I felt like I had gotten hit on all sides, just plain beat up. But all of a sudden I realized I didn't go into default angry mode, my modus operandi. I usually just get mad, really fast, and really heated, and I throw a lot of words around that I usually regret. But this time that didn't happen. I was just really sad. I was hurting. God was answering my prayers and allowing me to feel pain, and I didn't like it.
Then this week I got hit twice. First my best friend and my brother-in-law (who I'm quite fond of) broke up. And I have to witness the deep pain of both. Then two days ago my adorable little dog (who was the cause of me starting to write this blog a few months ago) suddenly died. On top of everything with our families and the uncertainty of the economy and the elections, I really started to feel it today. I all of a sudden became aware of the overwhelming emotions I was experiencing. And I sobbed and sobbed. I mean, hello God! When I was praying to feel more, I wanted to feel more happiness and joy, not pain. But you can't have one without the other.
In the midst of the pain, there's God. I could feel His arms around me tonight: in the presence of my husband praying, in my best friend's hand on my shoulder, in the hugs from others, and in His loving revelations. Because He revealed Himself to me in two big ways tonight. The first being in the meaning of Jehovah - "the One who is always present." What comfort! It brings such meaning to my life as a follower of Him! I've heard the scripture referring to how He is always with us since I was a kid, but to know that's what His name means brought special significance to me tonight.
The second way was through a study on endurance. At church tonight, we were reading Hebrews 12 and studying faith. In the words of our pastor, "Faith is not believing that the impossible can become possible. Faith is trusting in the One who can make the impossible possible." But faith is a product of endurance - walking with Christ through the pain in our lives, getting to know Him, developing that relationship with Him, and as a result learning to trust Him. I would often times get frustrated at what I felt was a lack of faith I had. And tonight it became so evident to me. How can I expect faith to just be there, when I haven't invested the time in getting to know God more! Just like the example our pastor used, how can we run a marathon if we haven't run a mile. Wow!
I'm so thankful for God's loving embrace during painful times. I certainly don't enjoy the pain. But I've realized that the last few years of my life have certainly been a test of endurance. I've hung onto Christ and have grown through these times. I've learned so much about myself and so much more about Him than I knew was possible. I wish that the pain would just go away. But I know just like the burning of a marathon run, I have to push on. I have to push past the pain, not allowing myself to quit in order for the pain to go away. I have to continue forward, embracing the pain, trusting that at the end of it I will be able to look back and see what it has produced. There will be growth and spiritual maturity. There will be me, who with all my imperfections and faults, does indeed look more like Christ. But more importantly, there will be a deeper relationship and a greater revelation of Him who is above all things. And that is something to strive for!
About two years ago, I started praying that the Lord help enable me to feel more. I was tired of the numbness - not feeling pain or hurt or happiness. But now I'm beginning to see how deeply He is enabling me to feel ... and I don't like it. I started this realization a couple weeks ago. It happened when I was really down one night. I felt like I had gotten hit on all sides, just plain beat up. But all of a sudden I realized I didn't go into default angry mode, my modus operandi. I usually just get mad, really fast, and really heated, and I throw a lot of words around that I usually regret. But this time that didn't happen. I was just really sad. I was hurting. God was answering my prayers and allowing me to feel pain, and I didn't like it.
Then this week I got hit twice. First my best friend and my brother-in-law (who I'm quite fond of) broke up. And I have to witness the deep pain of both. Then two days ago my adorable little dog (who was the cause of me starting to write this blog a few months ago) suddenly died. On top of everything with our families and the uncertainty of the economy and the elections, I really started to feel it today. I all of a sudden became aware of the overwhelming emotions I was experiencing. And I sobbed and sobbed. I mean, hello God! When I was praying to feel more, I wanted to feel more happiness and joy, not pain. But you can't have one without the other.
In the midst of the pain, there's God. I could feel His arms around me tonight: in the presence of my husband praying, in my best friend's hand on my shoulder, in the hugs from others, and in His loving revelations. Because He revealed Himself to me in two big ways tonight. The first being in the meaning of Jehovah - "the One who is always present." What comfort! It brings such meaning to my life as a follower of Him! I've heard the scripture referring to how He is always with us since I was a kid, but to know that's what His name means brought special significance to me tonight.
The second way was through a study on endurance. At church tonight, we were reading Hebrews 12 and studying faith. In the words of our pastor, "Faith is not believing that the impossible can become possible. Faith is trusting in the One who can make the impossible possible." But faith is a product of endurance - walking with Christ through the pain in our lives, getting to know Him, developing that relationship with Him, and as a result learning to trust Him. I would often times get frustrated at what I felt was a lack of faith I had. And tonight it became so evident to me. How can I expect faith to just be there, when I haven't invested the time in getting to know God more! Just like the example our pastor used, how can we run a marathon if we haven't run a mile. Wow!
I'm so thankful for God's loving embrace during painful times. I certainly don't enjoy the pain. But I've realized that the last few years of my life have certainly been a test of endurance. I've hung onto Christ and have grown through these times. I've learned so much about myself and so much more about Him than I knew was possible. I wish that the pain would just go away. But I know just like the burning of a marathon run, I have to push on. I have to push past the pain, not allowing myself to quit in order for the pain to go away. I have to continue forward, embracing the pain, trusting that at the end of it I will be able to look back and see what it has produced. There will be growth and spiritual maturity. There will be me, who with all my imperfections and faults, does indeed look more like Christ. But more importantly, there will be a deeper relationship and a greater revelation of Him who is above all things. And that is something to strive for!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
God's Amazing Kindness
I started me new Beth Moore Bible Study today. It's the one on a woman's heart that studies the tabernacle. At the beginning we go over the history of man before the tabernacle was built. I have to admit, I wasn't super excited about studying the tabernacle. It actually sounded pretty boring to me. But God has already show me some incredible things.
We were suppose to read Gen. 1: 24-3:24 aloud. Since it's mostly stuff that we're probably super familiar with, reading it aloud was suppose to help us get new insight. When I got to 3:21, I was so choaked up I couldn't read aloud anymore. Adam and Eve had just chosen sin. And when God came for His customary stroll through the garden with them, they ran and hid because they were suddenly aware that they were naked. When God calls out to them, they tell Him they have sinned. God then does two things - He first tells them the consequences of their choices because there are always consequences. But the very next thing He does for them is a sheer and amazing act of kindness that blew me away. No doubt, Adam and Eve did a rush job throwing some not-so-sturdy fig leaves together for coverings. They weren't going to last and surely weren't doing a very good job of covering. So God stops, and I'm sure with a broken heart, causes an aninmal to die so that he can use their skin to cover his precious people. What amazing love! It was man that sinned, yet God was covering for them.
It must have been such an incredibly sad day in heaven. God no longer had fellowship with His creation. He could no longer walk with them through the garden and talk with them, just spending time with them. In order to rectify this, He had to again cover for us all by causing another innocent being to die - our Savior. And the thorns that were caused to grow as a by-product of Adam's fall, were the very ones used to crown Him.
It's amazing to see the correlation between the fall and the forgiveness. God so wanted to be with us, that he would stop at no lengths and do all that was required in order to be with us forever. What an amazingly, humbling thought.
In the next chapter, God asks Cain why he is angry. He tells him that sin is waiting to overcome him, "but you must master it (Gen 4:9)." God told Cain that sin was master-able. We have the capability to NOT choose sin. But we have to CHOOSE! So in the interim, between sinfulness and eternity, He not only in amazing kindness provides for us, He also enourages us to fight for and choose our freedom. Overcoming darkness is possible! But He allows us to choose.
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